Confessions: Sometimes I Feel Alone
Sometimes it doesn’t matter what is going on in your life, no matter how busy you are and how many friends you have, sometimes you feel alone (we talk about getting sad here). I consider myself to be incredibly lucky to have an amazing network of friends and family supporting me (shout-out here to the best!), and even my blog partner is an amazingly supportive addition to my life. However, there are some days where I just feel so lost and alone.
I wonder if it has to do with being a workaholic. Sometimes I don’t get as much down-time as I need just to chill with a cuppa tea and a book because I am running from one activity to another.
I wonder if it has to do with being a people-pleaser. Sometimes I spend so much time saying yes to plans that I forget that it makes me happy to say no once in awhile too (or to chose a different plan).
I wonder if it has to do with not knowing where I want to go with my life. By questioning my here-and-now to see if it is what I want for my future I am also questioning my current happiness.
At the end of the day, however, I think that it is normal to feel like I am alone every once in awhile. In Granada, people are always coming and going. This means that most of my foreign friends have moved on, leaving me to find new friends every year or so (something that I cannot really complain about, even when it hurts, seeing as though I have moved on myself many times before, leaving others behind).
In addition, the culture here can sometimes feel really rough when I am feeling sensitive (once again reminding me why I’ll never really be Spanish). This comes in many forms. For example, as much as I love my Spanish friends, sometimes they just don’t get how I look at life*. Not to mention that, at work, sometimes I feel totally alienated from how everyone else does things and how they value what they are doing. This leads to me wondering if maybe it is me who is doing it wrong.
However, none of these feelings are without solutions. Depending on a particular cause or even just feeling, I have different remedies to feeling alone. Sometimes I want to go for tapas and talk it out. Sometimes I want to bake all day and eat my feelings (or share cookies). Sometimes I journal my thoughts. The other day I found that the solution was just to sit down and cry (actually bawl my eyes out for no apparent reason, but that's what sad movies are for).
It used to feel scary when I felt so overwhelming alone that I wanted to cry, now I am trying to accept that it is part of life and figure out how I can deal with it/make my life better for me.
What about you? Have you ever felt alone in a new place or even at home? How do you deal with it?
*Although I would say that currently I have a good group going, it can be difficult for friends from a different culture to always 'get it.'